reports of my death: pretty spot-on

[kadrin]

So some of you may not have heard from me in years, and I haven't heard from some of you in years, so I want to make a post to announce two things:

1) I'm still alive, though not for want of trying. The last three weeks have been, depression-wise, the undisputed champion of the world; I felt about as bad as I ever really have. Had my first suicidal thoughts since high school, which was Fun. (Don't worry, they didn't last, I thought of Siobhan for two seconds and they ran away screaming.) I think I'm recovering, and though this isn't the first time I've thought that, I'm on my way a little. Any moment now I should be somewhere around one standard deviation below baseline, apart from, you know, twenty eight.
2) I haven't heard from some of you for some time, and those I have heard from, I haven't heard from for... well, the most recent is nearly two hours. So, please, use this post to check in and remind me that you're still alive and healthy. Or alive and sick. Or alive and miserable. Just as long as you're still around.

Comments

[magistrate]

Hello!

I am alive, and buried under work stress and financial stress and creative stress and flailing wildly toward occasional glimmers of hope on the horizon. And I keep thinking I have something I need to ask you and then forgetting what it was immediately afterward.

But while I chronically cannot remember that, this may be a thing of interest to you: http://roll20.net/

...how old is Siobhan, these days? Nine? (Also, regardless of the answer, when did that happen?)

[kadrin]

At the MOMENT, she is still eight. However, in two months and one day, she will be nine! This happened alarmingly suddenly. She's pretty clever in a lot of different ways, and while not perfect, extremely adorable.

My reaction to the site link can best be described as "ooooooooooooh". I might have to run something, since I'm not running anything in real life any more, pout.

Thank you for checking in, despite the stressmountain! If and when you remember what you wanted to ask me, ask away.

[rionaleonhart]

I'm okay! I'm sorry I didn't reply to your Katawa Shoujo e-mail; I thought 'I know, I'll play through Shizune's route and then send over my thoughts' and then only got halfway through the route before getting distracted, even though it's probably my favourite route so far. WELL DONE, ME.

I'm glad to see you posting but horrified to hear you've had suicidal thoughts. Please, please take care. I lost a friend to suicide two years ago and I'm constantly terrified that it might happen again.

[kadrin]

I reckon I'm past 'em, at least for now. And when they did show up, I just had to think "SIOBHAN" very hard and they disappeared, and they weren't very strong to start with. I'm very sorry to hear about your friend; rest assured that the chance you need to worry about me is beyond minimal. The other way beyond minimal. Less than minimal.

Yeah, I know the feeling; sometimes games I really enjoy do that, especially visual novels. I stopped playing Fate/stay night just when things were really starting to pick up and I'm not at all sure why.

Thank you for checking in! ...Man, I'm going to say it to everyone, because I mean it for everyone, but it's already sounding lame.

[happydork]

Oh, honey, I'm sorry to hear things have been rough. I get exactly what you mean about the number of times you can think recovering -- I hope you're right this time, and I'm rooting for you.

Things are good with me -- I seem to be failing a little at awake, but in general things have been rather lovely these last couple of months, and look like they may continue to be lovely for a while longer.

[kadrin]

Today I saw a psych for a first meeting! That was a nice little resource-filler. Got my "deal with stuff" bar right back up in the green.

Sleepy or no sleepy, lovely is definitely a few good steps above okay! I'm glad to hear it; thank you for checking in.

[squeemu]

<3 I am glad to hear that you are, indeed still alive and I always like it when you post even if I never have witty things to say in return.

I had a bout of depression that lasted a month and a half, and, like you, had thoughts I hadn't had since high school. ....had had had had had. I think for the most part it's lifted? Fingers crossed.

I am also living with Baco, attempting to con some people into giving me a PhD (in four years). So far, I have conned them into paying me while I do it, so that's definitely a HUGE bonus, especially because before that, Baco was very nicely paying for me to live with her. (Baco is also still alive.)

"Recent" fandom pursuits include the latest Sly Cooper video game (meh) and... um... rewatching or replaying old favorites.

Oh! I became a slush reader for the online speculative fiction magazine Strange Horizons! That's pretty exciting and occasionally hilarious.

[kadrin]

I looked up the recent Sly Cooper game on Wiki, spoiled myself rotten for it, and made the decision that, as Baco hinted, I had lost nothing.

That is a very cool thing to have become! Sounds like it plays to your talents and your interests, even if it is occasionally hilarious. Especially if it is occasionally hilarious?

"DOCTOR SQUEEMU, FRONTIER INSECT EDITOR". We shall need to get you a hat. THE BIGGEST HAT.

I shall assist you in finger-crossing and huggings. My best to you and to Baco. Thank you for checking in!

[velithya]

Hello! Still alive :)

[kadrin]

BUT IS THE SCIENCE DONE?

Thank you for checking in! I mean, moments after making this post I commented on one of yours, but it's best to have everything in one place!

[velithya]

WELL, I HAVE A NEAT GUN?

You did say to check in regardless, so! :)

[renshai]

Checking in as mostly alive and occasionally here - I'm spending a lot of time on tumblr, but presumably after the haze of Finals (and oh god oh god i'm graduating when did that happen) passes I'll come back to DW.

Glad to see you posting - I was just wondering what you were up to.

[kadrin]

I will cheer you on with Finals and the like! And endeavour not to taunt you with unfinished RPs any more. I am plotting a grand return to Timberpine at some point in the near-to-mid future, having re-downloaded the rules set I was using. But, yes, on the whole, ganbatte! Watch me wave pompoms!

Thanks for checking in.

[trelali]

Hi. You are great. Depression is like a moth, attracted to the shiniest and brightest targets, and that is why you have so many struggles with it. This is science.

*hugs*

[kadrin]

It is the best science. At least it is reassuring science, and I enjoy a good reassure.

Thank you for checking in, and I shall offer invisible support with your own stuff. It is like a magic feather, in that it can make elephants fly using confidence.

[soranokumo]

I am still around!

So are Cali and Mato, and they say hi. Somewhat sleepily, but still.

[kadrin]

Cocoa does not say hi; he says that he is the master of all he surveys, and he surveys the hallway.

Thank you for checking in!

[orenda]

Am still here!

Going through a work crisis right now, and haven't been talking much, but I'm still around.

Glad you are too, and things will be better.

[kadrin]

We shall soldier on through whatever they throw at us. The nebulous "they" that are, you know, just out to get us in general.

Good luck with your work crisis. I hope that you kick all the ass.

Thank you for checking in!